all good things

I'm getting published, whot whot. Prick of the Spindle has accepted two of my poems for their next print issue- i had to restrain myself from telling them they're my first and that it was so beautiful I very quietly died in front of my computer. I'm throwing a party for myself, but telling everyone its a back to school thing - the truth is a bit too silly. And I don't want to highlight my late-bloomness.

And i've just spent a fat load of cash on clothes at Anthropologie, which makes me feel swanky. That, in addition to the latest Bon Iver album, makes me the uberhipster. Take that, Nietzsche (references to whom upgrade me to a megahipster - ooo, i'm on fire).

Today is beautiful. It's rainy and almost too humid to be outside and I've lost my phone, but I've got that everything is awesome feeling (the surreal, awe-inspiring kind) that makes my chest expand and the sky get backlit by infinity.

Ben told me that everyone has a base emotion, one they recognize immediately. For him it's anger, and it's not that he enjoys being angry, but he's familiar with it, which is comfortable in a way. I feel guilty that the first thing I thought of when he asked for my base emotion was that inspired drunk feeling I get from twilit evenings. What an antisocial dope, ya? That what I recognize the most is a feeling I get when I'm alone, something I associate with art, something I think Emily Dickenson expresses perfectly - "inebriate of air am i." This does two things: reinforce my decision to get into the arts, and add to the pile of reasons for me to stay single.

Talking about this does something else: remind me how self-absorbed I am. se la vie, its still beautiful outside.