Something I’ve noticed- the birds behind my building are vampires. What trendsetters. This happened when I was conducting hammock experiment number one, which consists of me spending the night in my hammock on my porch. It was only after wondering casually but thoroughly which fat spiders were going to lay eggs under my tongue, and after being woken up to meet my neighbor for the first time and discuss upholstery, that I fell asleep. Right after this, the birds started chirping most giddily. Obviously, my education has been lacking. I was under the impression that the chirping started around the rise of the sun. After more thorough consideration, I decided that one of two things were happening. One: it’s mating season, and they just cant keep it in their pants long enough to sleep. Two: these particular lyricists got bit by a rabid owl, and now sleep in the nest version of a coffin during the day, and then sing the moon into rising while they hunt for blood prey.
Imagine fangs on bluejays. The logistics there seemed a little akward, but nevertheless, I decided to gather up my hammock and save my experiment until the little beasties had been caught and staked
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